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See you there!

James xx

I’m just not that into you…

It continues to amuse me how much some people push to get a date these days. I’m not blowing my own horn here by the way, although it may sound like it. I’ve just got to the point where I’m beginning to re-think the way I approach [or not approach] boys.

For me, if someone blows me off once, I’m pretty much out of there unless they try hard to get another date. For me, a first date postpone is pretty much a first date cancel. Unless of course there is a DAMN good excuse to miss the opportunity to have my company… and I’m talking like, there’s a death in the family. Being simply “hung-over” does NOT qualify. Sorry.

There’s been one guy who I’ve been blowing off for months [keep your minds out of the gutter people!], mainly cause I’m just not really that interested. CLEARLY – or else I would have gone to the effort to see him.

… and I DO make an effort if I want to. If I want to see someone I actually like, I will do whatever I can to make time for a half hour beer after work. Even if it does turn into an hour… or an hour and a half :p

But some people just DON’T get the point. This morning I woke up to a message from the guy who thought it was ok to remove a condom during sex and not tell me… Is he fucking KIDDING ME?! What makes him think I’m ever going to want to see him again?!

But does persistence pay off? It’s something that I’ve always thought about. And when does persistence turn into annoyance. The line could be thinner than we think. I think it’s important to not over think this though, as over thinking every situation when dating can be very dangerous. Just ride the wave and enjoy it – you never know where it will take you.

Just do yourself a favour and use your gut instinct.

Oh, and if someone ignores your messages, it’s probably for a reason.

“Bang Bang Bang, On The Wall” – My Poor Housemates

Hearing other people having sex can be a little embarrassing. But who is more embarrassed? The person who hears you, or the screamer? Ok, sometimes it’s not the screaming or moaning that people hear, but rather the banging of the bed-head against the wall. [Although the thong I have between the two still doesn’t give the desired effect of sound dampening…]

Now, living in a sharehouse of 5 OTHER people, there must be times where each of us would hear the odd wall banging or whore moaning, but no, it seems my housemates practise in something called “respect” and either take the sex somewhere else, or don’t practice in it at all. Fair enough, but I’m not that considerate, however I DO take advantage when no one is here, or make sure the act of passionate penetration is quite if my housies are home. Especially my poor housemate in the room next to me. I’m not a complete arsehole.

I was mistaken once on how thin the floors happen to be though, with one housemate having to turn the TV up once from downstairs. Whoops.

Oh – did I mention all my housemates are straight? Yeah, boys and girls. I’m the token gay.

Anyway, recently I ran into a case of bad timing. When I got home, there was no one in the room next to mine. Great, I thought – I wouldn’t have to worry about the bed head situation [too much]. What I didn’t think of though, is the fact that the two boys boarding in there at the time might happen to come home…

So right at climax I see a light below my bedroom door, and a hear some moving about… Shit, I thought whilst still riding away… But it was too late, they’d already switched the light off and as it turned out, moved the mattress downstairs to sleep. The thing is; I wouldn’t be so concerned if it was only the banging they heard. I was more embarrassed the last thing they heard was “oh yeah, I’m about to cum”. The poor boys. They’d never lived with a gay before – what an initiation.

In the end, the boys couldn’t be better about it. Lets face it, they were more embarrassed than I was, and all I could say was “Ran into a bit of bad timing last night, hey boys”… in which they replied “… at least someone in here is getting some!”

Like A Virgin

I have nothing against virgins, except they’re usually not that good in bed – but can you blame them? I also have nothing against people who choose to be virgins – except I certainly don’t understand why the hell they’d want to miss out on something so fun and healthy… But when I came across someone older than your virgin average, it got me thinking – WHY?!

And I mean virgin in the sense one hasn’t penetrated OR been penetrated. He must be good at sucking cock. This particular young man turned out to be 28 years old and a virgin. Far OUT – what’s that in GAY years! He said he wanted to save it for someone special, and that’s fair enough. But perhaps this ‘special person’ could have been his last boyfriend whom he dated for ONE YEAR? No, apparently that guy wasn’t special enough considering the boyfriend ended up cheating on him.

But could you blame him? If your boyfriend refuses to have sex with you after being together for a year, surely that begs the question “what’s wrong with me!?” Turns out things got messy when Exhibit A walked into his house to find 6 of his mates with his [now ex] boyfriend having a mass orgy. Hot. [I mean, that’s a shame…]

Speaking of virgins, if a virgin I was dating told me that he [or she in this case] was pregnant from some spiritual being – I’d sure tell them to fuck RIGHT off! What a load of bullshit [Christmas reference]

One of my mates then alerted me that there are CLUBS of people who exercise in… not exercising… And sure enough, I came across a Chastity Club [I’m not talking about the one on Glee]. “The New Revolution is Here” claims the website. GOD HELP US! [well, he’s helping them I’m assuming]
“Within the pages of Chastidy.com you are going to find blunt, honest, and uplifting reasons why you’re worth waiting for”
I’m guessing you’re NOT going to find links to several porn sites to help you through it though.

The website also kindly offers advice from “David Morrison , who lives with same-sex attractions, and chooses to follow Christ”.

I just threw up.

Happy New Year.

The Convenience of Porn

This is not porn, but a HOT MAN

At this time of year, who has the time to go out? Who has the time to meet up with people? Who even has the time to have sex!? I remember the time when I was on uni holidays, and all we did was go out, have a few drinks, and take someone home. Oh, what’s that? It was just me? Lies! All LIES!

But no, seriously, porn can be pretty great, cant it. Whether it’s first thing when you wake up in the morning, or late at night when you’re trying to get to sleep, you know the one thing that will be there for you will be porn. Sure, it’s not the same as having a REAL person but hey – it will do for the moment.

There are a few things that really piss me off about finding porn on the internet though:
•    Music in porn. It’s GOT to go. No one wants to hear a soundtrack worse than the Queer As Folk soundtrack drowning out the sounds of boys moaning. Seriously – it’s really important.
•    Guys who aren’t into it. We don’t like it in person, so why would we want to watch it in porn? Surely these producers can find actors good enough to do that…
•    “Broke Straight Boys” … sure – it’s great to watch, but – these guys don’t act ‘straight enough’ I don’t think…
•    Too much foreplay. If I wanted to watch this, I’d do it myself. On top of that – usually [and I’ll speak for myself here] I’m watching porn cause I don’t have a lot of time. Please take me straight to the fucking.
•    … and on that – mix it up a bit! Don’t keep the same angle the whole time!

Oh wow… I’m finding out I actually have more issues with porn than I did in the first place. Perhaps I’m not looking in the right places.

Now, if you excuse me, I’ve got to get up early in the morning, and there’s something I need to take care of.

That’s a deal-breaker, Ladies!

In the past week I’ve come across some real deal-breakers. Now, one could say I’m being fussy here, but there are just a few things I can NOT deal with. Sure there are your usual deal-breakers like, he wears socks to bed, or he calls his parents ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’, but this week I’ve noticed I might be a little bit of a stuck up bitch.

It all began when I stayed over at a boys place, and he switches on Sunrise first thing in the morning. Sunrise!? I thought the only people who loved Mel and Kochie that much were our ‘friends’ out in Caroline Springs.

The next day I was having a heated discussion with a gay atheist young liberal. I was shocked, but if you think that’s bad enough, he continued to call The Age the “Spencer Street Soviet” and called Catherine Deveny’s writing “too sarcastic, boring dribble”. WHAT?! NO ONE mouths off Deveny and gets away with it.

He continued to defend people who choose to stay in the closet. I closed the chat window.

The same thing happened a week ago at a voting booth. I met a VERY attractive boy handing out how-to-vote cards for the Liberal Party. What a shame… After we got chatting, it turns out he was gay AND religious! The poor thing! He had no chance. I planned to meet him at The Peel that night anyway…

This got me thinking, what else classes as a deal-breaker?

• Sneaks you in the house to avoid his mother? Deal-breaker
• Owns mint condition Pokemon action figures? Deal-breaker
• Has “Sex on Fire” as a ringtone? Deal-breaker
• Likes the song “Sex on Fire”? Deal-breaker
• Has a personalised ringtone? Deal-breaker
• Born-again Christian? Deal-breaker
• Reads the Herald Sun? Deal-breaker
• Loves Crown Casino? Deal-breaker

… really, we could go on all day…

So, am I being a picky bitch, or is there a point where you go – NUP! That’s ENOUGH!?

What are your deal-breakers, people!?

Find me on iTunes

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Happy Listening!

Can you REALLY be Friends with your Ex?

Rule number three of mine: “You can’t be friends with exes”. I’ve always believed this, but lately I’ve been wondering whether I’ve been over reacting. This all came about when recently a guy I was seeing said he ‘just wanted to be friends’, and it started to get me thinking… Is it possible to be friends with an ex? And why is it even a big deal?

Sure – I’m not classing this guy as an ex cause we weren’t dating, but still, if you just want to be my friend WITHOUT the sex, does that mean was I getting shit in bed? I must admit – the sex at the end of it was getting quite untimely with one of us having to rush away and be left with a hard on at work… but I’ve digressed…

I’ve mainly felt this strongly towards this topic because I’m not friends with anyone I’ve dated, so surely there’s a reason for that. My longest relationship lasted three months, sure, not that long. I’m not friends with him anymore. Why? Cause the only thing we have in common is the fact we dated! Not enough, is it? Same goes for a number of other people I’ve seen. Things weren’t going to work, so why continue be friends? Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not going to delete them from Stalkbook.

I’ve always been a strong believer in “they’re an ex for a reason”. Especially if there was a terrible break-up. Who wants to be friends with someone who does those kinds of things to you? Would your friends cheat on you? No, I don’t you would.

After talking to many friends on this topic, I finally found the answer I was looking for. “You CAN be friends with your ex – as long as you never saw a future with the guy”. I was spellbound! Eureka! It’s totally true! Nobody wants to spend their lives watching their friend holding hands with someone else, and having the kids you wished you had in your picket fenced house!

Breakups are hard enough as they are, but the easiest thing can be when you realise you’re not meant to be together anyway, and you can continue your own lives – JUST like Jerry and Elaine – exhibit A. They certainly knew it wasn’t going to work [we assume]…

So if you see a future with the person you’re dating, if you break up, I’m gonna put money on the fact you probably won’t want to be friends later on. Am I right?

What Straight Women Go Through

It never ceases to amaze me how gay friendly Melbourne is. The past couple of months I’ve in a few different towns and cities where it’s probably not the best idea to make it apparent you like cock. It probably doesn’t help either that I live in the inner city and probably one of the most homo-friendly suburbs in Melbourne. So, when I leave this sanctuary, I tend to put myself in some positions I never thought I’d be in…

Lately I was in Hobart. Now, APPARENTLY there are supposed to be a LOT of gays living down there, but considering only some 200,000 people live there, I’m guessing that probably equates to around… 23. It was early morning, and there were NO cabs in site, so I asked an approachable couple where the nearest taxi rank was. This seemed like a simple question to me, but the guy carrying the box of Carlton decided he didn’t like the fact I was wearing cologne…

Man: “Are you GAY!?”
Me: “ahh, yeah?”
Man: “Well why don’t you just FUCK OFF then!”
Me: (laughing) “… … ahhh… That’s not very nice!”
Man: “Nah. It’s not very nice… but it’s FAIR!”

Wait?! I think this man MAY have confused the definition of ‘fair’, because last time I heard a definition, Lily Allen told me ‘not fair’ meant sleeping with someone with a small dick who cums too quickly AND doesn’t finish you off!? Maybe I should have updated him…

Back on the mainland, I take you to my hometown of Batemans Bay. Going out in your hometown can always prove fun, especially when you haven’t seen people for 4 years, and they haven’t seen you ‘out’. I didn’t think this would be a problem; SURELY there are no gays in Batemans!? But yes, it seemed there was.

Maybe I should have taken the advice I took when in Geelong one time of “don’t kiss me! We’ll probably be beaten up!” After hearing that, I assumed head on the lounge upstairs would have been out of the question… Back to Batemans though, and one guy thought it was inappropriate for me to briefly kiss another boy… While trying to make his way to me, and people blocking him, he cooled down. It seems what set him off was me winking at him. Perhaps I should have saved my affection for someone who deserved it…

Quote of the blog goes to Perth though. When passing by a couple of drunk men, one goes to the others “I don’t wanna go to some poofta bar!! I just wanna go to a peep show and jerk off!” Charming … and we wonder why straight women complain about men?!

If It’s Not On, Then Fuck Off!

It surprises me how many people still want to bareback. Does anyone know the dangers, or is it just me? Sure I might be over-reacting, but statistics have been showing a steady rise in HIV infections – especially in the younger ages! So when I asked someone to wear a condom when fucking me, I bloody well expect them to leave it on.

I’ve recently gone through the experience of realising someone had removed a condom without asking or notifying me during sex. Not only that, but this is directly after a conversation I had with this guy informing him if ‘he didn’t want to use a condom, we won’t be having sex’. My exact words.

As it turns out, he’d removed it half way through, preceded to fuck me and finish off inside me. It wasn’t until I found an empty condom on the floor that I’d realised what this cunt had done. So, next morning, straight to the clinic I go! Sure, he told me he was negative, but if I couldn’t trust him to simply keep a condom on, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t trust him as far as I could kick him. Hell – I didn’t know where this guy had been!?

This got me thinking; why do so many insist on having bareback with so many risks involved? Don’t get me wrong, I certainly do love it, but I only ever do it with people I’m involved with – providing we are both not sleeping with other people.

I’ve been told recently that, “Because there is so much around us that detaches us from other people, not using a condom brings you so much closer to the partner and makes sex more personal again, and less mechanic”. I guess that is true, surely we all love being close to someone.

I guess what it comes down to is trust and safety, and perhaps stupidity. In my opinion, keep bareback special. Keep it for someone you trust. Keep it for your boyfriend – If you even believe in that…

Or just use a fucking rubber.